I'll be talking about something very different today.

We, humans, have the disgusting yet lovable habit of giving power to others. To gift responsibilities and of unraveling complex feelings about them. When we fall in love with someone, we cherish everything that person can give us. We lay at their mercy, because their little acts, the casual touches and whispers, mean the world to us. They are now in a pedestal, and you're at their feet.

You've been alone for your whole life: and suddenly, you find someone who gives you purpose, meaning, and a reason to stay alive. You owe your life to that person now.

But the problem lies in the innocence of the loved one. The childish, irresponsible, and carefree way of acting: that person can mean so much, but they don't know that. They're not used to it. Unlike a judge, who knows that justice depends on him, or doctors, who understand that lives will perish without them, a loved person doesn't understand how much influence they have in the lover's life.

Because the loved person means the world to you, but you're just some dude.

Naturally, the lover has to fight against everything that is natural, every law, everything that their free will is screaming for them to do. You remain silent, and still, because it is better than risking losing the most important person in your life. So you stay close, but not so close, because that's the closest thing to real closure you will ever get.

Just like someone thirsty, in the middle of a lake, being surrounded by water, but not able to drink.

From time to time, you will notice how you're getting ill because of the loved one. Because you miss them, or because they did something to you that hurt you in the past. Your dreams turn into polar extremes of happiness or nightmares where you're being hated and mistreated by the love of your life.

How can you be friends with someone, when you are willing to die for them? Why would you give them so much power in your life? Why would you let that person dominate your life, your eyes, your dreams, hands, and legs? Letting them rob you of freedom, and tie you with empty promises and ambiguous behavior?

It is not their fault either. They don't know how much their actions mean, nor do they care that much. That's why they tease, they play with your feelings, accidentally. There is no malicious intent, they just have more important stuff to think about. Stuff that's more important than you. They want to be happy, live intensely their lives, meet people, and grow. They just don't want to do it with you.

The constant fear of messing things up, of being forgotten and left behind. The stress of trying to decypher the mixed signals, the weird phrases, the meaning their eyes are trying to carry. Only for it to mean absolutely nothing. You turn paranoid. But you love them so, so much. There is no going back. You never stop hurting, because you can't. The pain is the only reminder that you mean at least something to that person.

And then, you'll have to deal with your angel, now giving love to another person. The love you have been wishing, praying, and begging, for years: Being spent on someone who barely cares.

Don't fool yourself, thinking that your loved one is a perfect being on a pedestal, that wouldn't fall for someone that easily.

When you try to leave, because it is getting too much for you to handle, your angel will ask you to stay. And how can you deny the person who brings purpose to your life? Turns out, you're a fool.

The love of your life is now the lover, and she will do just as you do: crying, stuttering, and having fever dreams. At that point, they are just as delusional as you are.

Thus, the cycle of thirst and hunger continues.

--- "oh my fucking G*d, youre so hot. like, you're so fucking perfect. damn." - Stoots