A man dreamed of a girl. She was lying on her bed, laughing, in such a carefree way. Just like a child. The purest laugh one could ever dream of. Her eyes were bright, and her grin was contagious.
"Reminiscing your features, your expression, I`m back to desiring once more. Those warmful nights, filled with anxiety.” - Virus, Pronta Entrega.
Desire: a strong feeling of wanting, wishing, or longing for something. Desire is INHERENTLY a state of hunger, thirst, and I dare to say, even ungratefulness. Well, I would be damned to admit that I`m a whiny bitch who can`t be grateful for anything properly. Because I`m always desiring something.
Desire almost always carries a sense of lack. One only wishes for bread when it doesn`t have any keys. Something about steak, lobsters and butter, idk.
Bare with me: desires are never satisfied, because when we achieve what we want, our pitiful souls generate a new horizon immediately. We are always running after mirages in the desert.
That's why men are always in love with those unattainable late-night drives. The nights we will never get again. A pleasure-oriented travel, with blinding lights, a girl with bangs, cigarettes, taking what you get, feeling somehow better…
I just love having someone kissing me while I write. Sorry, I got distracted.
Like one of those cats that tastes some beef, and doesn`t want to eat cat food anymore.
The cat has become ungrateful. The cat is hungry.
The man has become ungrateful. Hunger prevails.
He wants to feel that sudden rush every single day. Damn it, every single fucking day. Stars in between such a mediocre night. Kisses that hurt. The skin that smells like meds, and the tongue that tastes like cocaine.
Suddenly, desire becomes addiction. Because one who desires intensely is addicted. Hunger cannot prevail anymore. In a manic state, one indulges in desire until there`s only bones and rotten skin left.
And once again, the man goes on his knees to pray and ask for forgiveness. The man whispers, “Please, father. Treat me kindly, for I am a sinner, and I do not deserve what you give me every day. Because when you need the most, I am ungrateful for what you give me, and I sin to persecute what I don`t need, and it is not meant for me.”
Tears ran down his face.
I don`t want to dream the same thing a thousand times. Neither do I want to contemplate those things wisely.
I just want to be treated kindly.
Thank you for reading this. I am grateful for you, how lucky I am to have someone reading this bullshit! How lucky I am to have people hanging out with me, laughing and sparking my eyes.
As Jane Juliet (Ryu Ishigori) said: I am full. LETS LARP!!!
With love, Stoots.
